If you’re interested in learning some proven techniques that will teach you how to hook up with a friend, we’ve got you!
Ultimately, there’s nothing like starting a relationship with one of your close friends. For starters, there’s no awkward “getting to know each other” phase in the beginning. What’s more, since you already know one another’s interests, planning a date should be pretty easy.
However, even with all of its perks, hooking up with someone you’re already close with can be pretty tricky. After all, you want this relationship to succeed. With that in mind, you’re likely freaking out over the fact that you don’t want anything to go wrong. Inevitably, once you start to panic, you’re bound to say or do something that’s not up to par.
Luckily, we’ve come up with some foolproof ways that will not only teach you how to hook up with a friend but also help your relationship blossom!
How to Hook Up With a Friend: Consider What You Want
Just like with anything else in life, learning how to hook up with a friend requires some reflection and planning on your part. Before you even attempt to approach your friend, consider what kind of hookup you’re looking for. Are you in love with your friend, or are you only interested in pursuing a casual hookup?
Stepping into any kind of relationship without creating clear boundaries and sharing your expectations with the other person is a clear recipe for disaster. While you may think everything is going according to plan, your friend might have a completely different outlook on your relationship.
The first thing you should do is take some time to figure out what your relationship goals are. Pursuing an informal relationship is fine, but it’s important to decide whether this is something you’re really ready for. Take a moment to think about the following things:
- Are you attracted to your friend because of their looks, or do you feel a deeper connection?
- Do you think that sex will make your friendship stronger? Or, do you think it will hurt your friendship in any way?
- Can you handle the other person hooking up with other people, or do you think you will get jealous?
- How long have you had feelings for your friend?
Once you answer these questions you’ll get a clear picture of what type of hookup you’re ready to explore.
How to Hook Up With a Friend: Pursuing a Casual Hookup
Casual hookups or “friends with benefits” agreements are quite common nowadays. Sometimes it’s easier to sleep with someone you’re friends with rather than start a sexual relationship from scratch. But what exactly is a casual hookup?
If we were to give this relationship agreement a definition, we’d have to say that a casual hookup is when two people agree to have sex with each other from time to time without getting romantically involved.
If you’ve decided that you’re fine with having an informal sexual relationship with your friend, then it’s time to share your feelings with that person.
First of all, let your friend know that you’re only looking for something casual. While you could do this via text, it’s always better to do so in person. However, you will need to create the right setting to do so, which can be tricky.
For instance, you may get the idea that setting up a date-like ambiance is a cute idea. However, it could create an awkward situation. First of all, your friend might get the wrong idea and think that you’re interested in dating them. That could ultimately end up ruining your friendship for good.
Setting Up The Scene
In our experience, the best approach is to invite your friend to a casual day out. The best time to do that is during the daytime. Make it as unassuming as possible, without telling them you need to talk to them about something.
Once you meet up, don’t immediately ambush your friend with your suggestion. Try and wait for the right moment when you both feel comfortable. If you know someone who is in a casual relationship with their friend, you could also bring them up as an example.
Say how you wish you could have the same experience as them. Hopefully, your friend will get an idea of where this conversation is going. If not, then you will need to take a more direct approach.
For example, you could lead by saying that you’re tired of hooking up with people who get too attached after you sleep together. Also mention that you’ve come to discover that you’re looking for something casual and that you don’t want a serious relationship. Then, ask them what their feelings are on the subject. Depending on their answer, the conversation could go one of two ways.
- Your friend will agree with you and say that casual relationships are great.
- They will disagree with you and say that they could never be in a casual relationship.
Going for the Casual Hookup
If your friend expresses that they like the idea of a casual hookup, then it’s time to pop the question. Since you now know that your friend is open to casual hookups, you need to find out whether or not they’re interested in keeping it casual with you. If the answer is yes, then it’s time to discuss the boundaries.
Ultimately, setting up boundaries in friends with benefits situations is not only important, but it’s also crucial. Remember, you’re not dating, so the regular rules don’t apply.
If you’re up to it, you can make a list of do’s and don’ts to make things easier. Just remember that you both have to agree on the terms of your casual relationship.
If you’re not sure where to start, here is an example of what your list should consist of:
- Will your casual relationship be a secret, or will you tell your close friends and relatives about it?
- Are you allowed to see other people or will you exclusively hook up with each other?
- What about spending the night? Is it allowed or should the other person leave afterward?
- Can you kiss or hold hands, or is this behavior off-limits?
- What will happen if one of you starts dating someone else? Will you continue your casual relationship or will you go back to just being friends?
Note: These are just some examples of important questions to go through with your friend before you start your relationship. If you’re serious about making it work, you should consider going more in-depth about what you’re both looking for. Moreover, you should discuss what will happen if you both decide to end your casual relationship. From there, determine whether it’s feasible to continue a platonic friendship.
How to Hook Up With a Friend: What if Your Friend Doesn’t Want a Casual Hookup
Obviously, there is a possibility that your friend will say they aren’t interested in pursuing a casual hookup with you. If that’s the case, then you should let your friend know that you’re perfectly fine with their decision.
The tricky part about getting rejected is that your friend might feel a bit awkward around you afterward. However, it’s up to you to show them that you value them as a friend over everything else. Make sure to explain that you’ll never bring up this topic again. Also, add that you’d like to continue your friendship as if this discussion never took place.
Keep in mind that you may have just caught your friend by surprise. They might need some time to process your suggestion. Give them space, and let them come to you when they’re ready. If you try to force them to talk to you immediately after your discussion, you run the risk of ruining your friendship for good.
How to Hook Up With a Friend: One-Night Stands
When figuring out how to hook up with a friend, it’s important to know the difference between different types of relationships.
While a one-night stand may seem like it’s the same thing as a casual hookup, it’s not. The difference between the two is that a casual hookup can last for as long as both parties are willing to pursue it. On the other hand, a one-night stand typically lasts for just that night.
Some people would rather go for this type of hookup in order to fulfill a fantasy. You may just be sexually attracted to your friend, but have no desire to start a relationship with them. All this may sound a bit harsh. However, in some cases, a one-night stand can actually make a friendship stronger.
Getting that sexual tension out of the way could help you both determine whether or not you’re better off as friends or something more.
If you’d like to have a one-night stand with your friend, you need to make sure you’re both clear on what to expect. For example, will you spend the entire night together, will you go out on a date first, will you tell your friends about your hookup, and so on.
If you both agree on these terms, then it’s safe to continue your one-night stand. However, we’d highly recommend not pursuing this type of hookup if either one of you is hesitant about the outcome of your friendship. One-night stands can truly demolish even the strongest of bonds, so take your time to decide whether or not it’s worth it.
Avoiding the Awkwardness If They Say No
Sometimes it’s quite easy to misread the situation. Obviously, no two people are alike, and you may have interpreted your friend’s behavior completely wrong. While you may have thought their flirting was a clear invitation to a one-night stand, your friend might just be naturally flirtatious.
If that’s the case, the best way to avoid an awkward situation is to diffuse it with a bit of humor. Keep things light and let your friend know that it’s perfectly fine if they don’t want to hook up with you.
The worst thing you can do is get defensive and start blaming them for being flirtatious. If you truly value your friendship with this person, you’ll accept their rejection and move on.
How to Hook Up With a Friend: Casual Relationship
In the world of dating, a casual relationship is the polar opposite of a one-night stand. While you may think these two concepts are alike, once you get into the meat of it, you’ll see why they’re so different.
With one-night stands, the goal is to just get laid that one time. On the other hand, when you’re in a casual relationship, sex isn’t the first thing on your mind.
If we were to define the concept of a casual relationship it would be two consenting adults who like each other’s company, but are open to pursuing a relationship (sexual or not) with other people.
For example, if you have a friend that you care deeply about, and you want to take things a step further, you could consider asking them to pursue a casual relationship with you. Ultimately, if you’re both into it, you may even get into a serious relationship after a while.
In fact, casual relationships are actually great if you want to explore your options before getting serious.
How to Hook Up With a Friend: Knowing When to Put a Stop to Your Arrangement
If at some point you feel like the spark is gone and you don’t feel the same way about your casual relationship as you did in the beginning, the best thing to do is put a stop to it. Unfortunately, you always run the risk of hurting your friend’s feelings, but it’s better than remaining in a relationship that you’re not happy with.
To be fair, if you were never serious about giving a real relationship a try, then it’s only natural that it will lose its luster.
The best thing to do is tell your friend how you feel, and suggest that you stay friends. Hopefully, they will feel the same way and you’ll come to a mutual understanding. But in case they don’t share your feelings, it’s important to respect their decision. It’s possible that they’ll feel differently after some time passes, but you’ll have to be patient, and give them as much time and space as they need.
How to Hook Up With a Friend: Beginner’s Guide
Getting into any type of relationship with your friend, whether it’s a one-night stand, casual hookup or relationship is probably something completely new to you. To be fair, it’s perfectly normal to be scared of losing your friend, especially if you don’t know whether they’re open to exploring a new kind of relationship with you.
But, if you do get the green light from your friend, you should take a look at this beginner’s guide on how to hook up with a friend. Here you’ll find some useful tips that will help you maintain a great relationship with your friend without having to worry about ruining your friendship in the process.
Don’t Change Up Your Usual Routines
If you and your friend come to a mutual agreement about your hookup and decide that you want to keep things casual, you should stick to your regular everyday routine. What that means is that you shouldn’t start prioritizing your new “relationship” over your friends and family.
If your partner starts to notice that you’re behaving differently, there’s a good chance you’ll end up scaring them off. While it’s perfectly fine to spend time with them (you are, after all, hooking up) don’t go overboard and try to plan your time around them.
Ultimately, if either one of you starts acting like you’re in a serious relationship, it’s best to sit down and re-evaluate your situation. Perhaps there are some deeper feelings involved, and one of you may end up getting hurt.
Maintain Your Independence
Maintaining your independence is pretty important when it comes to hooking up with your friend. You should obviously have fun together, and you should respect them as a friend above all else. However, that doesn’t mean you should exclusively hang out with each other.
In fact, you should both be respectful when it comes to the other person’s wishes. For example, if you contact your friend and ask to hook up at a certain time, and they’re busy, be respectful. Tell them that you understand and that you can meet up at a more convenient time. And you should expect the same treatment from your friend.
Also, don’t expect the other person to hang out with you whenever you’re in the mood for it. Just because you’re hooking up with them doesn’t mean you own their time.
Ultimately, this is why it’s important to establish some boundaries before you get together.
Discuss the PDA Situation
Public displays of affection can be tricky. Some people enjoy them while others do not. The problem is determining whether or not the other person is into holding hands or kissing without making things awkward.
That’s why your best bet is to be open about your feelings and ask your friend to express theirs as well. If they aren’t a fan of PDA, respect their wishes. Perhaps you can come to a mutual agreement that will suit both parties. But if you cannot, then you may want to explore other relationship options.
Friend-Mingling: Yes or No?
Unless you have a mutual friend group, friend-mingling is a tricky subject. While it’s fine if you’re just hooking up with no intention of getting serious, sometimes other people can get the wrong idea about your relationship.
If you want to avoid any uncomfortable situations, your best option is to avoid friend-mingling.
Discuss the “Holiday Situation”
When it comes to mixing casual relationships and holidays, it’s never easy to determine what’s off-limits. That’s why you will need to take the time to come to an agreement about what to do for certain holidays.
For example, Valentine’s day is probably your worst nightmare when you’re not in a serious relationship. Should you get your “friend” a gift, or should you take them out on a romantic date? Should you even acknowledge the Holiday at all, or should you avoid meeting up altogether?
Ultimately, if you make it a point to talk about the do’s and don’ts of your relationship on time, this shouldn’t be a problem. In our opinion, it’s completely up to the both of you to decide what to do, as there is no right or wrong answer. Taking out your friend for Valentine’s day is perfectly acceptable, as long as they’re up for it.
One thing that is important in both a serious relationship and a casual one is communication. Keep in mind that the worst thing you can do is avoid talking to your friend about this issue, and going with your gut. You could end up ruining both your arrangement and your friendship.
Beware of Jealousy
When jealousy rears its ugly head, your relationship is in trouble. If you’ve agreed on keeping things casual, then you shouldn’t have a problem if your hookup tells you they’ve met someone and vice versa.
If either of you gets jealous at some point, it’s best to end your agreement and go back to being friends. There’s no room for the green-eyed monster in a casual hookup situation, period.
And if you’re the one who ends up meeting someone, be honest about it. At that point, you could either choose to continue your casual relationship, or if you’re serious about your new partner, communicate that to your friend. Keeping secrets from each other is never a good idea. It could end up hurting both your relationships and ruining your friendship for good.
Practice Safe Sex
No matter how well you know each other, practicing safe sex is a must! You never know what can end up happening, and unexpected pregnancies or STDs are not something you need.
Before you get physical, take some time to discuss what kind of protection you’ll be using. Never just leave it up to the other person, or you’ll just be setting yourself up for disaster.
Keep the Line of Communication Open
Even after you’ve come to an agreement about the terms of your relationship, it’s incredibly important to keep communicating with your friend. Discussing your feelings doesn’t mean you’re looking for a serious relationship, but rather that you’re interested in how your friend is feeling at all times.
Perhaps your friend isn’t feeling comfortable with some of the aspects of your relationship and doesn’t know how to communicate their feelings. It’s your job to encourage them to tell you if something is bothering them, or if they would like to change something about your relationship.
It’s best to make it a point to talk to each other about these things once a week, so you know where you’re at.
How to Hook Up With a Friend: What if You Fall in Love?
You’re only human, so falling in love with someone you’re hooking up with is perfectly normal. It may not be ideal, but what can you do? The important thing is knowing how to deal with your feelings.
First of all, consider whether or not you’re really in love. When you’re spending time with someone, it’s easy to mistake infatuation for love. Think about whether or not you want to pursue a real relationship with this person before you tell them how you feel.
Consider the following:
- Do you want to spend your time exclusively with this person?
- Can you imagine going out with them and presenting them as your significant other?
- Are you ready to build a future with them?
- Do you value them more as a friend or as a partner?
If you come to find out that your feelings are legitimate, then it’s time to have a talk with your friend. Let them know how you feel, and allow them to process your words. Don’t expect them to answer immediately, especially if you caught them off guard with your speech.
On the one hand, if your friend feels the same way, then all that’s left is to start a real relationship with them. But if they don’t share your feelings, your best option is to go back to being just friends. Maintaining a casual relationship with someone who doesn’t share your feelings will likely cause you more pain than good.
What’s more, if you also find it difficult to remain friends, tell them you will need to distance yourself from them until you figure some things out. Don’t completely push them away, but allow yourself some time to heal.
How to Hook Up With a Friend: What if They Fall in Love?
If, on the other hand, your friend tells you that they have serious feelings about you, and they’d like to pursue a serious relationship with you, take care of how you react. Even if you’re caught off-guard, don’t act as if you’re appalled by the idea of being with them.
Being honest about their feelings toward you is possibly the hardest thing they had to do. It’s important to take that into consideration.
And if you don’t know how to react, it’s best to tell them that you need some time to think about your feelings. Ask them to respect your wishes, and give yourself a few days to reflect on the situation.
Sometimes it can be difficult to discern whether or not you have true feelings for a person. Even more so if you’re in a casual relationship with them. You may feel as if your relationship is enough, when, in reality, you’d actually prefer to take things a step further.
Consider how this person makes you feel. Do you enjoy spending your time with them? Do you share your everyday thoughts and experiences with them? Are you comfortable telling them your secrets?
If you know for sure that you don’t want to pursue a relationship with your friend, let them down easy. Tell them you love them, but you’re not looking to make a commitment.
It’s important to always be honest and share your true feelings. Regardless of what kind of relationship you’re in, no one likes being lied to.
Going Back to Being Just Friends
Now that you’ve learned how to hook up with a friend, you may also want to read about how to go back to being just friends. To be fair, doing so may end up being more difficult than hooking up with them in the first place. But fortunately, it’s not impossible.
For starters, as we’ve mentioned throughout this article, honesty is key. Whether you think the spark has fizzled out, or you’re starting to develop strong feelings toward your friend, you need to let them know.
Unless you both feel the same way about your relationship, things are bound to go wrong. Even worse, one of you will end up getting hurt.
Talk to your friend about your wishes, and tell them you would like to go back to being just friends. If you’re open and honest, there’s a good chance you can go back to the way things were. But if not, you need to accept that your friendship may be over. At least for the time being.
And if this person truly means a lot to you, and you’re devastated about losing them as a friend, you could try and reach out to them in a couple of months. Send them a simple text message asking them how they’ve been, and what they’re doing.
If they answer back, you could ask to meet up for coffee whenever they feel up to it. Take things slowly, and don’t force them to resume the friendship. The only way to get things back to normal is to let it happen naturally.
How to Hook Up With a Friend: The Conclusion
Hopefully, our suggestions on how to hook up with a friend will give you that push you need to tell them how you feel. In all honesty, you have nothing to lose, and everything to gain!
Yes, it’s true that figuring out how to hook up with a friend can be tricky — even more so if you’re worried about ruining your friendship. However, sometimes the outcome can end up being better than you expected!