Most men believe that, if they have no luck in the dating sphere, there is not much they can do about it. After all, they think that being good at picking up women is something you are naturally good at, rather than an acquired skill. However, there are a myriad of techniques and tricks that can elevate your game and help you learn how to be a pickup artist.
If you’re tired of your bad luck and want to thrive in the art of seduction, stay tuned. We’ll cover everything you ought to know about how to be a pickup artist.
The Difference Between a Natural and a Bore
Before we get into the actual tricks on how to be a pickup artist, it is important to get some things straight. Though pickup techniques are a fantastic resource that can help you a lot, they are not all you need to be successful. You need to combine them with what you already know and are comfortable with.
If you simply rely on pickup techniques, you will make dating and seduction seem like technicalities. That will, in turn, take all the fun and anticipation out of it. While there is a certain skill set you can acquire to help you with women, it is essential to still be yourself.
Put simply, being a pickup artist should not become your entire personality. Some people look at dating or seducing through a set of steps they need to complete. By doing so, they erase the fun and flirty side of it that is actually the most important.
These tricks should help you feel more confident and approachable, as well as to stand out in a crowd. However, they should not turn you into a robot that relies only on canned lines and has no appeal beyond them.
You should look at these techniques as yet another set of skills you can learn to improve your life. That way, you will ensure you actually form meaningful relationships and exude confidence on every level. Women will pick up on this, and you will become truly irresistible, and you may even get laid.
1. The Beginning
It is no lie that true confidence can never be achieved by pickup lines and techniques alone. In order to be on top of your game, you first need to feel good about yourself. If you look at most pickup artist books and guides, they will recommend that you start working on your appearance before you do anything else.
Now, we do not mean doing anything drastic. Certain dating coaches will provide you with detailed plans on what to do, how to dress, or when to work out. However, an intricate plan means little if those recommendations make you uncomfortable.
What you really need is something that will make you feel confident. Maybe it’s just a haircut, or new clothes, a new workout routine, or some new cologne. Whatever you go for, it needs to be something that you like and are comfortable with.
Taking care of yourself is crucial. Women love guys who take the time to look good and who aren’t afraid to go the extra mile to achieve it. So, start by making sure you look and feel great, and your journey to being a successful pickup artist will be off to an excellent start.
2. Observe and Ask
Before you do anything specific, it might be a good idea to ask for help from those you can see are already successful at picking up women. They will be able to give you insight into their experience, which can be extremely valuable as you learn how to be a pickup artist.
You don’t need to ask any specific questions if you are uncomfortable doing so. You can simply observe men in social situations and take note of their behaviors. If you do want particular advice, you can either seek it from someone you trust or look at relevant topics on online forums or social media.
These steps can help you gain at least some sense of what you need to do to better your game and attract more women. After all, you learn best by watching others do something or at least by reading about their experiences.
As soon as you gain at least a partial understanding of what you will need to make it, you can proceed to the next step.
3. Social Skills
Before you begin approaching women, you need to work on your overall social skills. This tip might seem silly, but learning how to talk easily and comfortably with different people will actually be quite helpful on your way to becoming a pickup artist. It will help you build up your confidence and be more attractive to others.
We suggest that you go easy at first. Start by saying hello and being friendly to the people you run into on a daily basis. Regardless of how insignificant it might seem right now, it is an important step everyone needs to take.
So, help your neighbor with their groceries. Smile at the people you take the morning train with. Strike up a conversation with someone as you wait in line at the grocery store. Be open and pleasant, and people will be drawn to you naturally.
With time, you will be able to talk to others more easily, and you will not feel as anxious about starting conversations. As the anxiety subsides, you will gain more confidence and eventually become ready to pick up women like a pro.
4. Approaching Women
Of course, you cannot learn how to be a pickup artist without actually practicing your craft on women. Now that your overall social skills are not as rusty and you are comfortable with your appearance, it is time to go out.
The first thing you need to practice and work on is your opener. As its name suggests, it is a line you use immediately upon approaching a woman. It can make or break the entire interaction because everything that happens after depends on how successful that line is.
Thinking of a good opener in advance is essential, as you will most likely be too nervous to come up with something on the spot. So, try to be prepared, and you will appear more calm and confident. That will, in turn, make you more approachable, and the women around you will be drawn to you.
Your pickup line can be anything, quite literally. From a simple “hi” over a joke to a seemingly serious question that helps you strike up a conversation — whatever you are most comfortable with. Just smile, try to look friendly, and shoot your shot.
At this stage, you will have to endure some trial and error. You can’t immediately know what will work, and not every woman is the same. So, do not get discouraged and sad if you get rejected a few times. You are still just practicing, and you can learn a lot from the failed attempts.
5. Keep Track of Your Progress
An important part of learning how to be a pickup artist is evaluating and analyzing your progress. Whether you manage to hold a conversation with a woman or not, you should pay attention to her reactions to your words and actions. Such notes can help you learn what not to do or what to do more, thus improving your game.
You can do that by either writing down some of the interactions or simply by keeping track of them in your head. You can use whichever approach you want, as long as you take these interactions and actually learn something new from them.
6. Practice Makes Perfect
A lot of guys get discouraged after a few rejections, and it is a normal thing. It isn’t great for your self-esteem, and it can make you feel like a failure. However, this mindset is wrong and harmful.
In reality, you cannot expect to get good at something if you don’t devote your time to trying. Approaching one woman and failing to get her attention should not make you give up on the entire journey. So, be brave, over and over again. You will learn a lot, and your social skills will only get better.
You will catch yourself actually having a good time and enjoying the chase, and it is at that point that you will be at your most attractive. Keep at it, and your effort will surely pay off.
7. Beyond an Opener
The next step in learning how to be a pickup artist is moving into a real conversation with a woman you like. You have approached her, she has shown interest in you, smiled, and perhaps even flirted. But what now? How are you supposed to keep her engaged and interested beyond a few canned lines?
Well, the answer isn’t that simple. In most cases, the turn the conversation will take usually depends on your opener. You could talk about the party, comment on someone around you making a fool of themselves, or about the food and music. Similar general topics are an excellent way to start a convo if you aren’t confident enough to be direct.
Of course, you could also be bold and tell her you like her immediately. Ask her to dance or offer to buy her a drink. However, don’t be too pushy. Women are always on the lookout for creeps, and you need to be friendly and patient.
Most guys think that being direct and flirting outright is only an option if you are tall and conventionally good-looking. We disagree. In fact, if you feel you do not fit into these categories by default, being direct might make you stand out even more. There truly is nothing more attractive than confidence, and the women around you will notice your efforts.
8. Negging Is a No
Many guides on how to be a pickup artist suggest that you use negging techniques in order to manipulate women into sleeping with you. These techniques involve giving backhanded compliments, comparing the woman with others around her, and subtly pointing out what she lacks.
These actions are supposed to make the women feel inferior. In the opinion of some people, if women feel inferior, they will want to engage with you in order to prove you wrong and get validation. Of course, all of these techniques are manipulative and potentially emotionally damaging.
Those who recommend negging in approaching a woman seem to forget that dating is supposed to be mutually enjoyable. You will feel much more comfortable and better about yourself if you manage to impress a woman by genuinely complimenting her or being funny.
Resorting to manipulation and making a potential partner feel inferior will not be a good foundation for a future relationship. Even if you’re just looking for a one-night stand and nothing more, you’ll have more fun if you win over a lady with your charm rather than by being subtly rude and insulting her.
Put simply, the confidence you could gain by putting the women you want down will not last. Not only that, but it will also condition you into thinking that you need to treat dating as a game or a competition. In reality, you only win if you are both comfortable and having a good time.
So, don’t attempt any negging techniques if you want to become a truly successful pickup artist. Being original and sweet is all you will need.
9. Beyond Casual Talk
The next step in your journey to learning how to be a pickup artist is, naturally, going beyond talk and actually getting to some action. Here, we are talking about anything both you and the woman you like are comfortable with.
If you’ve been talking for a while, dancing, laughing, and just having a good time in general, it might be time to try and take the next step. Make sure you pay attention to the signs and clues she is giving you, and you will be fine.
The belief that women always give out mixed signals and never clearly say what they want is just a myth. You will be able to tell what your lady wants or doesn’t want, only if you care enough to notice.
If you think kissing or touching would be welcome, go for it. Don’t be too pushy, though. Respect your lady’s boundaries, and let her be a willing participant in the whole thing. That way, you will show you are confident in your abilities and charm but still respectful enough to be a gentleman. That will win any woman over easily.
If she responds with the same passion and clearly has the same wishes as you, moving the action away from the party might be a good idea. Try to stay calm, and just enjoy yourself. Remember that she already likes you and wants to pursue the relationship further.
At this point, you have little to lose and a lot to gain. If you are only looking for a one-night stand, you can have your fun and then repeat all the above steps however many times you want to meet someone new. As long as you have a great time and feel good, you can do whatever you want.
10. What If You Want More?
When people wonder about learning how to be a pickup artist, they seldom think about actually settling down with someone and pursuing a long-term relationship. They usually just want to learn how to attract women and have their fun. If that is your case, it is more than fine.
But what if you actually want to connect emotionally? Can that also be considered a part of the pickup artist routine?
The answer to this question is: of course! A great pickup artist knows how to approach and impress women no matter what his end goal is. However, if you find someone you want to form a deeper connection with, the rules might have to change a little.
For one, you cannot use the same old technique on multiple dates with the same woman. It will become stale and boring soon, and she will notice. Besides, you have to let her see beyond the rehearsed lines so that she can get to know the real you. Thus, no matter how scary it might seem, you will need to let your guard down and relax in front of her.
By doing so, you will allow her to relax, too, and your connection will be able to grow and deepen. In cases like these, pickup lines and well-thought-out techniques will only take you so far. Authenticity and sincerity are always the way to go, and they will be appreciated by the right woman.
If your goal is to find a long-term partner, a pickup artist routine will be a great foundation. However, to build the relationship further, you will need more effort and more vulnerability. Show your lady that you care, don’t be scared to get emotional and real, and she’ll be yours in no time.
11. The Student Becomes the Master
At this stage, you will actually be ready to help others learn how to be pickup artists. Essentially, you will be able to translate your experiences into lessons. These lessons will help others in the same way some have helped you in one of the initial steps.
In this step, your notes and musings on the entire process will become rather valuable. Namely, they will provide others with learning material they will need on their own journeys. You will be able to monitor their progress and even learn new things yourself. After all, a pickup artist’s time in school is never truly over.
12. The Future
Our techniques on how to be a pickup artist are supposed to help you gain more confidence and appear more attractive to women. However, they work by providing you with a sort of persona you adopt in order to feel this confidence and be on top of your game.
To truly become an excellent pickup artist, you need to merge this confident persona with who you actually are. That will come with time, as you become more and more comfortable around women and in social situations in general.
With practice, these pickup techniques will become second nature, and you will be able to perform them without thinking. It’s at this stage that you will no longer have to fake being confident. Instead, you will actually feel it in every move you make and every new interaction.
You will no longer have to wonder about how to be a pickup artist. Rather, you will be able to sift through different styles you have learned and used over time and select the ones most suitable to a specific situation. You will be equipped with an array of moves that will no longer feel like something alien or rehearsed.
And the women? Well, they will not be able to resist you.
How to Be a Pickup Artist: Final Thoughts
As you have read, many techniques can elevate your game and make you more attractive to women. If you’re having trouble with your dating life and need advice on how to make it richer and more eventful, this guide might be just what you need.
A great pickup artist starts by working on bettering himself physically. The goal is to feel comfortable and good in your skin. Then, you proceed with improving your social skills, coming up with great openers, and going beyond casual talk. Of course, remaining respectful and friendly throughout it all is pivotal for success.
After these initial steps, it is essential to remember that pickup techniques can only take you so far. To paint a picture: these techniques are the training wheels you need to learn how to ride a bike successfully. After some time, you will be ready to take them off and be confident on your own.
We hope this guide tells you all you need to know about how to be a pickup artist. Remember to stay true to yourself through the process, and you will surely win any worthy woman over easily. Good luck!